Thursday, 9 May 2013

Folk of the Citadel

I suppose it is about time I talk about some of the staff I employ here at the Citadel. In fact, there are probably quite a few who are not even on my payroll, but just lurk around because they like it here. At any one time in the Citadel there are countless maids, footmen, porters, kitchen staff, watchmen, entertainers, dungeon keepers, drivers, tailors, craftsmen (and women), stable-staff and one or two wandering chevaliers and minstrels. I dare say we also have one or two rascals, ne’er-do-wells and rapscallions, but luckily the numbers are dwindling. Most likely due to my sending them over to England on character building exercises.
So, not even including the gnomes, who form the bulk of my engineering and scientific community, it is about time I mention a few key household members:

The Gnome Keepers
I doubt you will ever find a more hardy, put-upon and frankly strange bunch of people. Anyone whose job is to look after gnomes is always going to have a very specific set of talents and skills. Insanity is a pre-requisite of the job, and patience a definite plus point.  Fortunately the suicide rate among the keepers has finally levelled out and we no longer need to kidnap potential new staff.
Two families in particular have provided generations of venerable and worthy gnome handlers: The Bombas and the Zmoleks.

My faithful butler and longest serving member of the household.  I am not entirely sure old he is, but he was certainly around when Count Bunglehoff  had his fatal accident constructing the West Wing in 1762.
Stanislav is courteous, wise and utterly trustworthy. He has been dating vivacious town widow Mrs Svobodova for over a year now. There are even rumours that they may even tie the knot one day. Wouldn’t that be wonderful!

My chief spy and Head of Citadel Secret Police. He is not particularly a popular fellow. But his job description does say: “Monitor and promote chaos whenever and wherever possible.” He is also responsible for my personal security so you had better watch out!

Mrs Petruszka
Mrs Petruszka is the Citadel’s formidable head cook.  If the type of food you enjoy involves copious root vegetables and meat with the consistency of shoe leather, then you are cordially invited to dine with us.
She is currently single again after the unfortunate demise of her 6th husband, Mr Kopek. You can read about the tragic chain of events just below.

However, their happiness would prove fleeting. Once again the Jizera Mountains would claim the life of yet another of Mrs Petruszka's husbands...


Gentlemen, Mrs Petruszka has asked potential suitors to send her a photo and introductory paragraph. She has requested that you list any significant financial holdings. Send to:

Madame Ludmilla Petruszka
Head Cook
The Kitchens
The Citadel
Hrom Hora
The Karkonose Mountains
Central Europe

The Mountain Lord
I do not really want to talk about myself too much. I think it is better left for other people to say.  You can read about me on Wikipedia by following this link:  Rübezahl (Lord of the Mountains).

Princess Ruby
Rubena is my beloved and long-suffering spouse.  I am still counting turnips for her – a task which grows more and more impossible as the years go by.  At one time she was all set to marry Dracula. That was until she met me, of course. You can read more about these events in The Chaosifier. They happened such a long time ago, but I can still remember them as if they were yesterday. Sigh.

Vlad Dracula
He is not technically a member of the Citadel, but his presence is often felt here.
Actually, not much needs to be said about him really. Our feud goes through quiet patches and then suddenly things just get a bit, erm, out of hand. It is his fault, of course.



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