Friday, 26 April 2013

The Thunder Mountain Gnomes: An Introduction

We have lots of people and creatures living here at the Citadel, ranging from servants and gardeners through to assorted staff such as gnome-keepers, lab technicians, porters and Ruby’s handmaidens. In the bowels of the fortress there are beasties and things which I cannot begin to give a name to, and one or two things that I can – but dare not, for fear of tormenting your psyche.

The creatures that I get most asked about are our gnomes. We have had them here at the Citadel for as long as I can remember, and I will admit that, for the most part, I ‘liberated’ them from their home in Tibet.  However, nearly all of the Thunder Mountain Gnomes are now willing and much-valued workers, and we have not had to resort to using torture for at least the last two months.

Despite the occasional drunken and high-spirited incident, where they have set fire to parts of the citadel or ransacked the local village, they are a pleasure to keep.
 At any one time we probably have between 200 and 300 gnomes on the mountain.  They do have a habit of vanishing sometimes, and I believe that there might still be a colony holed up somewhere in the Forest of Enchantment. Last year a group of 20 or so emerged from the forest and spent the best part of a week moping around the citadel, kissing by-passers.
 Of the thousands of gnomes that have been in my employ, there are a few which stand out. I will mention them here:

Grundl Wibblesnapper
Grundl was nominated spokesgnome after winning the gnome elections of November 2011.

As well as being a forthright and outspoken, Grundl is something of a collector of curiosities and a budding alchemist. His potions are usually very peculiar indeed.

Bundl Fugglebum
Mercurial and bright, Bundl is the star bowgnome of the Thunder Mountain Archery Team.  Although he has moments of personal angst and self-doubt, on more than one occasion he has faced down his demons and seized victory for the gnomes.

Wimpl the Unwilling
Wimpl is the most infuriating gnome I have ever met. He is even known as ‘The Dungeon King’ among his peers due to amount of ‘time’ he has done in the cells. His stubbornness is his trump card, but his fondness for ale his Achilles heel.  

Findl Nettlecrusher
Findl’s recklessness is legendary. In the past Findl was first choice for any sports team being sent to the Legendary Creatures’ Christmas Fayre, but it seems that his mind has become increasingly unhinged from sampling Grundl’s potions.  Findl still holds the record to parachute-less cliff diving and going over the Thunder Falls without a barrel. How much longer will his luck hold out?

Wornl Greyflap and Bindl Bogwalker
These stoic, highly-skilled gnome technicians somehow survived the episode with The Chaosifier and are recovering in Tibet, where they are said to be very well indeed.

*update - Bindl has just returned with his new wife. I have just promoted him to head of my technology section


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