It is my pleasure to entertain Paranormal Fiction author, Catherine Cavendish. If I am honest, the Citadel was still reeling from Steve Emmett's visit when Catherine appeared on the mountain in shredded tights. I think Steve was quite spooked, and he fled pell-mell to the village yelling, "I'm not Johnny Depp!".
I had a lovely chat with Catherine before she headed off to the gnomes' quarters with a cask of Old Man Wenceslas' 'Toe Curler Hooch'. There is quite a party going on down there, I can tell you. It will be few days before any work is done on the construction of my new chaos engine. Sigh.
We are extremely pleased you have journeyed to us in the Karkonose. Can you tell us something about the place where you usually dwell and your background?
Thank you for inviting me, your Most Esteemed Greatness. This is a most unusual place and I’m afraid I have a run in my tights from clambering up the mountain. But it was worth it, just to see Johnny Depp fleeing in terror. It would appear Vlad doesn’t appreciate sparkly vampires.
Compared to this, my home in North Wales is very tame. It’s an old building, dating from the mid 18th century, and is haunted by more than one presence. It has also inspired one of my novellas – The Demons of Cambian Street - although I am happy to report that the spirits in the part of the building where I live are friendly.
As you have probably gathered I write Paranormal Horror novels, novellas and short stories. I scare myself to death all the time, so it’s good I believe in reincarnation.
Are you enjoying your visit to the Citadel?
Indeed I am – the views are magnificent, although I know I mustn’t venture too close to the edge. And I have also seen some strange and extraordinary beings, but none as scary as that giant spider that crept out and challenged me. I must confess I screamed like the wimpiest wimp imaginable when it wiggled its furry legs at me.
Tell us what is happening to you at the moment as a writer.
I am hard at work extracting 17th century witches from places they simply shouldn’t inhabit. I’m trying to persuade them to get back in my book where they belong, but they’re very cantankerous and some of their spells are most uncomfortable. I had to buy a bottle of calamine lotion after the last one
Do you have anything exciting lined up for the future?
A home delivery of the industrial size bottle of calamine lotion (just in case) – oh, yes and I have a book called The Pendle Witches. But that’s another story…
We employ lots of gnomes here at the citadel. They are quite rambunctious and troublesome at times, and often refuse to work. Do you have any tips on looking after them?
Brandy. Lashings of it. And bribery of course. Tell them if they work hard they can drink all the brandy they like on their days off, and if they don’t work hard, shoot them. Works for me.
My wife Ruby says I spend too much time in the local village and not enough time counting turnips for her. How can I keep her happy?
Well, you could always buy her an electronic turnip counter. There’ll be one on ebay. In fact you can have mine if you like. I don’t eat turnips anymore. Not since the embarrassing dinner party when the vicar got drunk on sweet sherry, stuck his fork in one, lifted it high and demanded to know which of the gentlemen present had lost it. It was shaped like a penis you see. After that, I’ve never been able to look at a turnip the same way.
I failed in my last attempt to unleash chaos on the world. Can you think of a way I should employ my powers to redeem myself and make the world a better place?
Just a thought, but you could always load all the politicians into a boat, tow it out into the middle of the Atlantic and sink it. That ought to do it. You’ll probably be canonised.
ML: Hmm...could be plan...
ML: Hmm...could be plan...
How can people find you on this Internet thing-a-me-jig? Do you have a web address or other ways that lovely book fans can read more about you?
I’m always turning up in all sorts of places. Here are a few of them:
My latest novella – The Second Wife – is available from:
Thank you for your time, Catherine. I believe Ruby is curious to find out more about your fascinating dinner parties.