Sunday, 21 April 2013

Fancy a visit to the Citadel? #IndieAuthors

Spring is here and Ruby has been getting on to me about having more guests at the Citadel. I will admit that I am not always approachable, especially when there is chaos to be done, but I feel she is right.  With this in mind, my servants have scrubbed and refurbished the guests' quarters.  There was one small incident with some cobwebs and a giant spider, but I am pleased to say that Stanislav is recovering now. Luckily, our cook Mrs Petrushka found an old vial of anti-venom at the back of the pantry.

So, I am opening my doors to visitors here in the Karkonose Mountains.  Hrom Hora (Thunder Mountain) is a wonderful place, and guests can enjoy a variety of things to do at their leisure.  Here is a list of activities you may want to participate in. You may, of course, do none of them and just sit back enjoying the incredible view from one of our terraces with a jug of Thunder Ale.

  • Trekking in the mountains with our expert guide, taking in the imposing Thunder Falls and the mysterious Forest of Confusion.  There may also be an opportunity to visit the bewitching Forest of Enchantment.  The guides usually have problems getting people to leave the latter location in particular, however.

  • Gnome Archery with crack bowgnomes Bundl Fugglebum and Wimpl the Unwilling. Wimpl can be a bit unreliable at times, however.   Highly recommended.

  • White water rafting on Thunder River with gnome daredevil, Findl Nettlecrusher.  He only lost three people last season and assures me he is taking more precautions this year. 

  • A tour of the Citadel with Ruby, with information about the banquet hall, chaos chamber, turnip patch, and gnomes' quarters - among many other fascinating locations. Be warned - Grundl Wibblesnapper has a habit of pouncing on people and plying them with 'gnomish treats' from his knapsack. On more than one occasion we have had to carry guests back to their chamber in order to recover.

  • An evening of fine feasting and clog dancing demonstration in the village tavern. I will gladly accompany you to our nearest village. Mind you, I got into trouble last time I went to the tavern. Please make sure I keep off the local spirits - especially Old Man Wenceslas's eye-watering homemade hooch.

I am also considering doing an extended excursion over to Carpathia to taunt Dracula. We will see.  

Anyway, you are welcome to visit us, and while you are here I can do a blog post about your visit, plus links to a book and any photos you would like to be displayed.  All you need to do is email me a paragraph about your visit, plus a little bit about yourself (along with the images) and links to your blog/website. It really is that quick and simple.

Tea and Biscuits at the Citadel    


Alternatively, you can do a Tea and Biscuits short interview. Just email the words 'Tea and Biscuits' to the email address below.  I shall look forward to hearing from you.


*I cannot guarantee there will be a room available straight away, but my staff will endeavour to prepare one as soon as the previous guests have vacated.  The Citadel is so popular sometimes, that we have trouble getting people to leave. I blame Grundl Wibblesnapper and the other gnomes for this.


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